FISH OUT OF WATER
This is the story of a little girl, who was lovingly named Shona, brought up like every beautiful creation of god should be, with a lot of love, affection and protection. She grew up to be a princess with dreams which were as beautiful as she was, dreams of traveling the world meeting unusual people, dreams of having a home; made of cedar wood smelling of fresh mountain dew, dreams of being center of attention, dreams of running in green meadows, dreams of being special in a man’s life, dreams of feeling small luxuries and she believed in her dreams more than she believed in anything else in the world. Soon, as time went by, each of her dreams started taking shape and they took on a life of their own with a form & feel. As Shona stepped out in search of her dreams, she fought her way through life, encountered what were perceived as realities of existence, gained layers & layers of “experience” but lost her innocence and her dreams became but a blur. Every night she resolved to work harder and make it all happen and every morning she woke up with a plan to achieve what was seemingly becoming impossible. Soon the dreams became a function of reality of circumstances and did not bear any resemblance to the dreams of her childhood. Yet, she fought all the wars with a strong sense of identity and a commitment towards a goal and emerged from most of them “victorious” yet scarred and lonely. She stopped sharing her dreams for she imagined them to be sacred, feared losing even these dreams, she no longer had even her dolls to talk to and though she was still a darling at work and play, nobody knew her or her dreams. Her happiest moments were spent dreaming of new characters in idyllic situations or re-living moments from her past and she guarded these like Fort Knox.
She prayed hard, prayed for days gone by, prayed for her happiness, prayed for a meaning & understanding of life and prayed for her “new” dreams. Since, she was a child of god, god was pained at seeing this irony of her life but in order to free her from this misery, god knew that it had to first allow Shona to peel those layers which had corrupted her virginal dreams before she could be happy again. Shona needed to see flashes of her virginal dreams in reality so as to be able to differentiate between the two. This was by no means an easy task coz years of in congruency between the internal & external world had diminished the power to differentiate. Shona loved animals and so God decided to use animals in order to help her understand the greatest gift of life. It was on the same day, that he sent Shona a little fish, as a reminder of her dreams, with a small note that this fish needs just a little nurturing and in return it would fulfill every desire that Shona had, all she had to do was just open herself to the fish & nurture. When Shona opened the package, the little fish jumped out of the bowl and sucked at her lips, Shona was pleasantly taken aback for she loved unusual surprises but at the same time laughed at the note and imagined all the people who could have been playing the prank on her. However skeptical, the incredible look of innocence on the fish immediately sparked a little smile on her face, reminding her of the days gone by and she decided to keep the fish, out of curiosity and beauty, though completely disregarded the note.
Over the next 4 months or so, the little fish made all attempts to remind Shona of the note, so that she would nurture her and also enable the fish to fulfill all her desires, however, Shona was so obsessed with her own self, her troubles, her fights with the world, that she kept ignoring the little fish and at times getting irritated with the fish, considering it to be a foolish creature living in Utopian paradise. Somehow, the ludicrity of the little fish’s proposition was so unbelievable that she would come back to laugh at it and dismiss it as a fairy tale. Somewhere, during this time, god came back to look upon the greatest gift it had bestowed upon Shona and smile in satisfaction on the good deed it had done but to its surprise, it was shocked that instead of being a content believer, Shona kept praying harder for fulfillment of her desires while the shells remained and her demeanor and actions remained the same as they had been for years. It was also completely aghast at how the little fish was in a state of shambles. Though, angry and disappointed, god knew that Shona was not yet ready to welcome happiness in her life and actually berated himself at being inept at its job. God remembered that the fish can only see the seen and feel the felt.
The very next day, a snake charmer appeared at Shona’s house and spoke stories about his new snake which had the most amazing gaze, so mesmerizing that even humans of great knowledge & power had found it difficult to turn away and Shona could see the immense power in the snake’s gaze which would help her conquer the world and therefore fulfill every dream of hers. For months together, the snake became a constant companion to Shona and each time she felt a little low, she would gaze into the Snake and was mesmerized. What Shona could not see was that the snake was meant to be a tool to conquer the world for Shona however the conqueror had become the conquered. It was not long before the snake had made her as a stepping stool for his own desire to conquer and bit Shona.
Note: Fish is commonly known as a symbol for fertility; however it also stands for feminity, change& transformation leading to happiness. Fish is also used as a symbol signifying a relationship of trust & harmony like the one that exists between water & fish. In Buddhism fish is used as a symbol for happiness & freedom. Snake is a commonly used symbol for elusiveness, exploration of mysteries of life and primitive or elemental energy. Snakes are also symbolic of cyclicism of life or re-birth. Though considered evil, snakes tempt humans to gain knowledge, while the fish brings about change & transformation leading to happiness to the willing.
The shock and pain had the desired effect and Shona immediately looked at the little fish and looked to her for some help. The fish looked at her with love and said, “my girl, you must open up to me and be vulnerable in front of me for me to understand your pain and your dreams and also nurture me in order to strengthen me to fulfill your dreams & desires”. Shona laughed again but this time a little subdued for she saw just a glimpse of love & innocence, which felt like a healing balm on her scars. So Shona shared a little but forgot to nurture, therefore, the little fish removed a part of the obstacles in her life from the strength that god had bestowed upon the little fish at the start, but got depleted and again urged the Shona that transformation of life would require the little fish and Shona to become one like water & fish. Slowly, Shona saw some glimpses of her virginal dreams and a blurry form & feel of what they used to be like. The little fish though depleted kept on urging the little girl that unless nurtured, the little fish would die. Shona, happy to see some clarity emerge in her life, was again back to her usual ways and living life the way she always did yet convinced that she could now sense & taste happiness. She again fought the world with her own identity, focused on the goal rather than the path and somewhere stopped sharing or nurturing the little fish. After 6 months, the little fish completely depleted, died. Shona looked at the dead fish and smiled to herself, content that how right she had been about the futility of dreams and ephemeral nature of god’s blessings. At other times she pleaded god that why cant it see her happy or is it that death is inevitable and that is how it must be, Shona gave all sorts of emotional and spiritual reasons for death, some to herself and some cursing god but she mourned the death for the loss of her own dreams.
As god came back to see its greatest gift blossoming, it was shocked to see the fish dead and even god cried at the death of his greatest gift and was in complete agony as to what must it do to make humans accept happiness when they choose suffering on their own accord. God went to consult its own “higher power” with a very simple question;
· Should it revive the little fish and see her die again in 6 months for Shona does not value the greatest gift, especially since next time round the fish may not be revivable again or
· Should it let Shona complete her own circle and live through her demons
